The Urban Voodoo Machine BLOG

6 December: BELFAST

So I set off to Heathrow with what I thought was plenty of time only to get there and miss my flight! Fuck! What kind of idiot manages to miss a flight at 2 in the afternoon? That’d be me then! Luckily I get on the next flight and when I land at Belfast Airport our tourmanager GC calls me to say that the van with the equipment has just arrived and that The Pogues havent even started soundcheck yet…phew!

When I arrived at the Enormo-Dome that is Kings Hall everybody else is there already, some of them rather knackered from a long van journey from London - me I’m just mentally exhausted from the thought of possibly missing the first show of the tour!

Time for a drink and to put my rockin’ shoes on then! The good thing about playing support at these level shows is that there aint too much hanging about (as in getting too fucked-up before the gig!), so after a quick soundcheck we just about got time to tune up and put on our glad-rags and then it’s showtime!

BANG THAT GONG! As Lady Ane could not join us till after the show we asked our good friend and local lady Joni to fill in as “gongstress” a job she did mighty fine on our spagetthi western opener “Theme From The Urban Voodoo Machine“.
The audience was pretty cool and lively, this was our second time in Belfast having played Open House Festival back in September and there was quite a few familiar faces -the Derry Massive being the most good looking of course!
I personally took about 3 songs to warm up, that was because Shane’s massive electric fan was blowing cold air straight at me! (once we found the off button, things heated up!)

We watched the whole Pogues set from the balcony, and I must say it was one of the best shows I have ever seen them do - specially loving the addition of the hornsection. One thing i didn’t get with this audience though was the amount of topless men/boys - really guys, keep your fucking shirts on!! (ladies on the other hand….)

As all hotels in the city centre were fully booked, we were booked into a country club just outside that was holding a wedding reception - I sincerely hope that we didn’t ruin the happy couples special day too much when we drunkenly rolled in there at 2am!

7 December: GLASGOW

It ain’t easy transporting 14 people and their personal stuff, a full backline, an upright bass, a few douchebags and several boxes of merchandise when you have a 12 seater called the Belsen Bus, but we managed to get to the ferry without killing each other! Once we reached Scottish soil, the decision was made that some of us should get a train to Glasgow - fine by me!

When we got to the venue, our saxplayer Lucifire was already there having flown in from London earlier in the day. As was our favourite Parisian lady Lalla Morte and Chris Martin (no not the cunt from Coldplay, but the guy who is making a tour documentary on us!) That’s one of the interesting things with being in this band, it really is a travelling Rock’n'Roll Circus!

Speaking of circus, the Glasgow Academy had said yes to Lady Ane doing her fire show. So we started our set with our instrumental crime jazz number “Police Paranoia” - all flames, sirens and blazing horns! We finished the set in our usual fashion with “Down In A Hole“, but with this being Scotland and Lucifire being Scottish we managed to sneak in a few bars of “Fling Thing” while Luci danced a Highland Fling….when in Rome, ey!

I really enjoyed this show, it was a lot more intimate and in your face than the night before plus getting Bourbon on the rider and having found the off button for the electric fan helpled too!
The Pogues were on top form again I thought, I watched ‘em from the pit this time - kinda more fun that way exept my pint got filled with fake snow during “Fairytale of New York” - I won’t be suing!

8 December: Day Off at Borthwick Castle

Borthwick Castle is a historic haunted large house 11 miles outside Edinburgh and had it’s surface scratched by Oliver Cromwell and his cannons in 1650. Other historic facts is that Mary Queen Of Scots had her honeymoon there in 1567, and that the Late J-Roni-Moe married his Bethany there in 2006. The Urban Voodoo Machine always stay at Borthwick on their Scotland visits as they like the company of the ghosts very much.
Mr Dave Tusk joined the many ghosts and the UVM that evening.

9 December: LEEDS

Right, now we’re fucking ready to travel in style! We’ve not only got our main driver Howard and the afforementioned “Belsen Bus”, but also Mr Dave Tusk and Lucifire’s doubledecker mobilehome/tourbus - no more having Slim on my lap! Hurrah! Actually, Slim has gone back to London for a few days to do some cider research for the BBC and will be joining us in Brum, which sucks (him going home not him joining us in Brum!) but atleast he is not on my lap! (Speaking of Slim, all the Pogues have been very happy to see him, as they go back a long time - in fact I recently found him on Youtube acting a barman in their first music video “Streams Of Whiskey” - how ’s that pop pickers?)

Anyway, I’m getting on the Fire-Tusk Bus as it’s probably for the greater good. I never really been an early morning person - in fact I am a grumpy cunt before 3pm! I manage to fall asleep in a very cosy bunk whilst listening to dj Scratchy whinging about the youth of today, as much as I agree that that shite music should not be called R’n'B….I need these zzzzz’s!

The roads of Scotland reminds me of Norway, but less bendy and less snowy!

Another good thing about touring with a fine “established act” like the Pogues is that they have a travelling catering firm with them (cheers Fiona and Scott!) It’s fucking great to be able to turn up at the venue, unload the gear and then sit down for some lovely onion/vegetable/minestrone/carrot soup. Rock’n'Roll can’t live on drugs and booze alone , it needs soup…and sex of course!